Are all husbands this clueless or is it just mine?

Are all husbands this clueless or is it just mine?
I love my husband. He is a very good man. He is hard working and responsible and he loves me. But let’s face it, ladies- one of the best things about husbands is that they are so trainable! While they may be trainable, the process is not quick, easy or without pain. It takes a ton of patience on our parts to not want to throttle him six months after the wedding ceremony. Then it occurs to you that you are committed to this man for time and eternity and there must have been a reason why you wanted this. So, this is when you decide to make your marriage just how you want it to be- meaning you start the training process on him. Simply having a clothes hamper in your room does not mean he knows it is there or what it is used for. You must show him the item and ask him politely to please use the hamper for his dirty clothes. After you have asked him two or three times and it still hasn’t sunk into his head yet, then comes the time to announce that if his clothes are not in the hamper then they are not going to get washed. He will not really believe this, so you must show him it is true. This process will not take more than a few days. He will simply get up to get ready for work one morning and he will have no clean clothes (this is because they are still on the floor where he left them) and he will ask you if you did the laundry. You will reply that yes, you did indeed do the laundry and he will say “great! Where are the clothes?” This is when you will respond kindly, “why dear, yours are still on the floor.” He will look stunned and stupid for a moment then he will grumble about no clean clothes, but I promise you- that evening his clothes will be in the hamper. Not all women have this issue with their husbands. Some husbands try to be helpful by attempting to do the laundry themselves and surprise you. Believe me- you are definitely surprised, especially when you now have pants or a sweater to fit Barbie. This is a good time to sit down and make a list of household chores you feel is suitable to each partner and then ask if he agrees (we don’t really care if he agrees, but he is more likely to say yes simply because we asked for his input). Then you make laundry your chore and he will never do it again, unless you are ill or have surgery. He will try to help at this time, but I urge you to call your friends and ask them for help and simply tell your husband that he has enough to do and he doesn’t need to be worrying about the laundry.
I know as a woman, I absolutely love it when my husband helps out. I find it incredibly sexy to watch him fix things, take out the trash or mow the yard. I am very blessed with a good, hard working husband. He does everything-dishes every time I cook, vacuum, fix things, take out the trash, and I never even have to ask him- he just does it! Now, I must tell you that this is not normal husband behavior. I just got lucky! My husband isn’t perfect, though. His version of doing the laundry consists of separating items into two categories: whites and everything else. Also, he likes to wash everything on hot or warm and dry everything on high heat. This does not work for all clothes, as I am sure you know. But, don’t give up- there is hope! My husband is somewhat of a laundry fanatic, so I ‘taught’ him how I like my clothes washed and now he only washes his clothes, the whites and the towels. If he washes mine, he always asks me what setting before washing them. Thus, this portion of training is complete!
I realize laundry is not the only training issue when it comes to our husbands. Sometimes a husband can be really good about all these things but continually puts his foot in his mouth. For example, my husband and I had decided to work on losing weight and we were both doing really well. I weighed myself one morning and I was excited to be down another two pounds and I said “I’m down two more pounds!” His reply was “I still weigh less than you!” OK, that was the dumbest comment to ever cross those lips. I realize men are competitive by nature, but really! As if women aren’t sensitive enough when it comes to their weight, the fact that my husband is eight inches taller than me did not help this comment to slide by. No woman ever wants to be told she weighs more than her husband- not even when she is pregnant! This is a classic example of men speaking before thinking. This seems to be something men excel at. I think in large part due to the fact that women find so many more things to be personal or embarrassing than do men. It takes years for a man to ‘get it’ in this area, and like my mother says- ‘your father still hasn’t ‘gotten it’ and he is 73 years old.’ They have been married for 42 years.
One thing I have learned is that there is no perfect husband or perfect marriage and that it is ok to ask your husband to do something. Asking is not nagging. Nagging only comes after you have to ask more than three times and they still haven’t done the task but they are now sick of hearing about it. This is when they tell us we are nagging. To which the proper reply is “well, if you would just do what I asked you I would stop asking!” It really is so simple. I wonder why men always think we are so complicated.
You know, I truly believe that husbands are born with the ‘not listening’ gene. I have yet to meet a woman who has not complained about her husband’s listening ability- or lack thereof. I am not sure if they just purposely don’t pay attention, or if there is a scientific reason they seem to tune us out when we are speaking. I can tell my husband something very specifically and he will give me all the appropriate responses, yet a day or a week later he will act completely clueless. One of the phrases I hear the most from him is ‘you never told me that.’ Sigh! Not only do I tell my husband the things he says I don’t, but I am very specific, and I include notes and pictures if necessary. I have witnesses to these events as well. For example, my mother and I went to the Home Depot to purchase a gas grill for my husband’s birthday. We paid for it and then we needed him to come and pick it up in his pick-up. We told him which doors to go into, and what register it was at and everything. Ten minutes later he calls me and says “where are you? I’m in the tools section and I don’t see it.” I then repeat the same instructions with my mother laughing in the background and my husband says “well you never told me that.” My mother continues to laugh and she says “I go through this same thing with your father every day.” I really think a study should be done on the listening skills of men. Do they do it on purpose or is there really some scientific reason behind the frustrating- having- to- repeat- everything- because -they -didn’t- listen- to -us issue? The older I get the more I am convinced it is some kind of gene mutation that they are born with because it is not something they ever seem to outgrow. The only evidence I have that this is not necessarily the case is the fact that every now and again my husband will bring home something for me that he heard me say a long time ago I wanted. It is then that I almost pass out from sheer shock. Then I always say “I can’t believe you remembered!” And we all know the reason for that statement! Still, I do think more studies should be done on this. I am thinking that someone should start a class for women on how to talk to men so they actually hear AND understand the words that are coming out of our mouth. Clearly statements such as ‘honey, the trash needs to be taken out’ do not work. Perhaps if we throw in a statement such as ‘the TV will not work until the trash has been taken out’ or ‘I am not able to kiss you until the grass is mowed because my allergies are acting up’ we might get their attention. Another alternative is to tell your husband you have something to show him and then take him by the hand and bring him into the kitchen and hand him a wet paper towel and ask him to throw it away in the over-flowing trash can. If he still does not get it, simply say ‘dear, do you notice anything in here that needs to be done?’ If he is still clueless, just flat out say “I need you to please take out the trash.’ If he does not do it after all this then you have real problems with your man and I am not sure there is any help for him. Threatening to take your life or flinging yourself on the ground kicking and screaming will not work- I know, I have tried. He only ends up looking at you as though he married a complete nut. Let’s face it- our husbands just don’t get it sometimes.

About admin

I am a wife and mother, and have been down the dark roads in life as well as the more pleasant ones. Through it all, I have been blessed to find the good (and often funny) side of it all. I started this blog to share my thoughts and wisdom with others. I hope I can bring a smile to your face.
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One Response to Are all husbands this clueless or is it just mine?

  1. Jenn says:

    That is so funny. Maybe it would help to do what we do with dogs and cats? Rub their noses in their messes?

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